~~What Means Anything~~

The longer time I spend

Thinking about whether or not

I can feel

Is the longer I spend numb

I should just accept

I'm not as hurt

As I say I am

I'm not ever breaking

I'm just hitting a rough patch

I should have admitted this long before

My friends have pointed it out

And said to me

How I am better off than them

I seem to have it all

Amazing friends and people

Who care so much about me

A writing skill

That's admirable

And I'm also gifted

With beauty

I never see

I'm not the one they think I am

I'm not the amazing

Beautiful angel

Who never fails

To make them smile

Even in her worst days

But am I the horrific person

I believe myself to be?

Am I really bad?

Am I really hurt?

Or am I just

Saying this

So I can get attention?

So I can be remembered….

But I won't be forgotten

My name and story

Are scattered everywhere

Across the interwebz

It's impossible for me to be ignored

I am living

In the midst of glory

Known and cared about

By so many

This is not the kind of life

I ever pictured myself leading

So I guess that's why

It's so hard for me

To accept the beauty

Inside of me

When I was raised

Bullied and hurt

And taught that I didn't matter

Now that I mean something….

How do I know what means

Anything…?