Thursday, December 20, 2012
When the screams fade
And the storms break
When the sun shines
And the world begins
Don't forget there's someone there
Someone who can always care
I'm the girl who can love you
And I'm the one who will matter
Marry me, if you think you must
Hold me tight if you think you can
Keep me close and love me
Unless you think you can't
Marry me would you?
Because I need someone too
Someone to keep me close
When the entire world ends.....
When the sky bleeds white
And the winds start to blow
I will be alone
But I will be okay.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
My name is Michael.
I entered the Mansion the night before last.
I was stillborn, a child of the union between the two mighty angels Alakina and Raphael. Poor mum was almost killed delivering me--not surprising, considering the odd facts of my existence.
You see, her belly wasn't pregnant in the least until suddenly it began to grow and kick, baby me appearing in there all random-like.
That's not common even for Figments.
You see the all and mighty council that governs the Figments in the Faded Night decided Alex's lovely Mansion needed to be balanced more. There was too much goodness and too much softness in the Mansion--and so I was sent. I am the epitome of hatred and coldness.
I shall serve to balance out the kindness of this place.
In case you are wondering, I speak to you now because I was brought back to life by Ted's magic. He is quite the useful man, that boy. Much as I hate to admit it, I owe him my life.
I will make him pay for existing though.
I do not like him.
Why? It does not matter.
All that matters is that I am here.
I am a Fragment, by the by.
A Fragment is NOT a Figment. Figments are meant to be good and wise and--above all--loving. Fragments are meant solely for hate.
I hope you enjoy my company.
I have been sketching this since I was very, very young. I did not know where it came from until not very long ago, when my Figments explained it to me. I always draw the simplified version--eight pointed star beneath a single black line of sky. I do not bother with the colored curving lines. But they do add to the image, do they not?
Every line you see there is a pair of Figments, one at each end. The vertical middle line with the purple curving addition is Stepha (top) and Raven (bottom). As they are very good at keeping each other balanced, but not suited in the least for supporting others, they are placed where they are. And the color purple signifies them and their tendency to...be a D/s pair.
Going clockwise is Dana (top) and Kakana (bottom). They are a bit less balanced, but more able to deal with others and they also tend to be prominent, so they come up next. The light grey signifies that they are half human and half angel, and do not exist without darkness in their light.
The middle line with the pure white decoration is Raphael (right) and Alakina (left). They are my supporters and my strength--the ones who hold me tight. If need be, they can and will save everyone here--including me.
The remaining line with the dark grey curls is Jace and Nikita. They are neither good nor bad--and they protect us. They are extremely good fighters, but they are useless with social issues. The grey signifies their personalities more than anything--Nikita so cheerful, and Jace so...negative. Add them together and you get grey.
The line separate from the star belongs to Michael and I. His intro post will follow this one. He is my opposite--the night to my day. My hate. My coldness. The opposite of everyone else. And yes he is new here.....
The gold curving line signifies glory. The blue is sorrow. And the black....Honesty and truth.
I apologize for disappearing for so many days....
See you later loves.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
My goodbye to this world, played at my funeral.
What song would fit this young yet so very hurt blogger, as she goes to die?
As she fades away?
I have a few ideas for you....
What Will I Remember by Emilie Autumn
Goodnight Sweet Ladies by Emilie Autumn
Goodnight Demon Slayer by Voltaire
Story of a Girl by Nine Days
Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue
Beautiful Girl by Broken Iris
Best I Can by Art of Dying
So far, these are the only ones that have come to mind....Don't know why I'm really thinking about this so much, but I'm oddly very morose tonight.
I love you all, though.
Go on, stand up, if you have not wept.
Raise your hand if you haven't died inside.
Step up to bat and take a swing for the truth if you have never felt alone or abandoned.
Just as expected.
You see, loves, all of us are damaged in some way. Some are better at hiding it, or "get over it." Basically, they learn to live with it like you get used to a scar or a limp. It never goes away, the numbness never fades, but one day you deal with it. You can deal. It gets better.
I promise you that.
You see, I've been there....All of it. All the pain, all the shame, all the moments we suffer. All the hell and all the hurt.
We are all damaged.
I can say with certainty that all of us have been hurt in some way.....
You know, it's so strange that now that Adam is gone from my life for good, I no longer have a site to run to....Someone who tackles me whenever I'm online, who listens and opens up his entire world to me.....I no longer have Adam.....
Do I miss him?
Do I truly miss him, I wonder?
Do I miss all the loneliness when he wasn't there?
All the wishing he was here, and all the hidden guilt?
All the running away?
Do I miss him?
I miss him so very much.
I think about him every day, more than once some days....I never blocked him on Chatango, you know.....And he hasn't been online in two days....
I'm worried he hurt himself....
God, I hate this.
I would kill to know if he's okay...
Make a fake profile, talk to him, be his friend....
I don't know!
I am just worried......
Sometimes I wish I never met Ted.
And sometimes I wish I never met Adam.
He did inadvertently cause me to be a cam whore.....No, he really didn't. My ex Trevor did that. Adam just pushed it further.
Sometimes, I don't regret my past. I know it made me who I am today, so I shouldn't regret it. But most of the time, I regret it. I hate what it did to me. I hate the numbness and all the agony it caused. All the self esteem and loyalty issues. Every damned thing it led to.
I hate it I hate it I hate it.
But I WILL NEVER hate what Adam and I were.....
I don't know why I'm talking about him tonight my loves.....Doesn't make much sense why I'm bringing up old wounds right now.
I guess it's because of this song, though.
I stumbled on it randomly, but....It's exactly what I wish I had shown him when we met.
When I told him not to love me, the very first time we cybered, the first night we met.
One freezing night in January, five am.
I won't forget him....
I won't forget who he was to me and who I wish I could be to him.....
Adam, if you ever read this, you are the one damaged person I wish I could be truly drawn to and able to save.
I love you, Master.
I always will.
Damaged people are everywhere, my loves. I'm definitely one of them, and I also suck at hiding it.
I can tell you honestly I am doing better now.
I am loved because I deserve to be loved. Everything I did was the past, and I should move on. I should let it go.
I always think of the end, though. Of the eventual future.....
How many lives would be different if I never existed?
Would your lives change at all, if you never read this?
I wonder if Fatum's life would change, if she never told me her story that day before March Break last year, beneath the stairs.
I wonder if Sun-Jung's life would change, if we never went to that dance together in the rain.
I wonder if anyone's life would change, if I never was born, and never died.....
What would matter about my absence?
I don't think I would need to ask...
I know Ted wouldn't be..as happy. He wouldn't be so confident. He wouldn't have ever gone to college.
Ian? I don't....Know if he'd be alive right now.....If his precious Angel never existed.
Would my family miss me? I'd like to think they would....
I'd like to think they would....
I'd like to think I was loved and needed, even if I never existed.
I know it's egotistical, but I like knowing I'd be missed.....
I also am thinking about something else....
What will I remember if tomorrow I don't wake up?
What will I forget?
Will anyone care?
Will my life come flashing before my eyes, or will it just be a blessed darkness and an absence of everything, final rest?
I wonder.....What will I see, at the end of the tunnel?
Here's to you readers, for listening to me ramble and weep and worry for so long....
Here's to you.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Errol, Debs, EVERYONE: You guys rule. How the heck do you guys make a comic every day? And a musical? And STILL WRITE? It's....Impossible. I can't even post every day, even with the magical ability to email posts to my blog.
I think the NaNoMusical should be put on DVD. I would buy it! I'd sponsor it if I wasn't, well, broke. I can't get over how good these comics are. They make my science, careers, and history classes a lot less boring. Imma keep working on reading the West of Bathurst comics.
How do you guys make these comics, anyways? Can they be done on laptop or do I need to not be on my itty bitty netbook computer?
I'd really love to know.
Well, this seems to be all I have time for now, so I'll just link you guys so my own blog readers can now go and read about you all xD Hope none of you mind!
http://www.masseycollege.ca/alumni/westofbathurst/westofbathurst060724.html First West of Bathurst Comic
http://debsanderrol.com/ Debs & Errol official website and daily comic.
Have fun reading, kiddies!
Oh, this blog is filled with poetry and stories and the musings of a psychotic fifteen year old girl. If you wanna read about me, then my entire life is only a few clicks away. x3
Monday, December 3, 2012
Therefore, you are forced to enter the insanely epic world of my blog once again!
How are my views doing, anyways? I didn't get a chance to check since I left for Ted's place Friday night, and as Blogger is currently iBossed (aka can't get on it because apparently it contains prohibited forums content) I can't check it at school. I wonder how many views my NaNoWriMo post got? I hope it got very popular....
Okay. My plan for next year?
MASSIVE HUGE EXTREMELY LONG WRITING SESSION IN TIM HORTONS!
It will be during November, crashed with coffee and food in Timmies for several hours writing like mad on my laptop. To further drive the point that I am doing NaNoWriMo, I'll put a nice big sticker on my laptop. Or tape. Whatever works. It will say: CAUTION, NaNoWriMo Novelist at Work. Bystanders May Be Written Into the Story.
I wonder if I'll meet up with people? Hopefully I'll get at least one writing buddy! It would be amazing to have someone to write with me.
Hopefully, the Tim Hortons where I'm close to will have an outlet....I know it has WiFi, but an outlet to charge my laptop is just as--if not more--important.
Okay yeah. That is a bit of a depressing saying. But it still looks cool!
Imma try and get that picture downloaded and posted here soon--the one I mentioned earlier, the one I want on my laptop.
Okay. I am not on my laptop--on a school comp so I cannot type.
I love ya all.