How was my weekend, you ask? It was filled with love and lust--just like all my weekends have been lately. Filled with Ted and hope and forgotten pasts and proof of strength. And that's the best thing I could ever ask for. I'm hoping for heaven and expecting hell--who knows what the future holds, anyways?
I'm ready for it loves, even if it scares me.
And right now, I'm supposed to be working on geography and science, but I got stuck on thinking about universities and the future that's coming. Today, I was told to go through an issue of Maclean's 2012 Guide to Canadian Universities. And there are seven or eight universities I found, all of them far away, all of them small, that interest me. My top one is the University of Victoria, which offers insanely good writing workshops with everything I want from poetry to fiction to comic book creation and beyond, as well as what sounds like quite good entrepreneurship courses. And it's also easy enough to get in, and it's insanely beautiful as well. So it sounds like I'll like it there.
It's so very far away and I'll only be home for summer and maybe Christmas Break. What about Ted? What about everyone else here? Will I still be with them?
*Draws in a good, long breath, eyes shutting tightly.*
Fuck yes I will.
When the time comes, I will kiss Ted, hug him tightly, tell him I love him, hop in a plane or in a car, go to school, and come home to him again.
I won't leave him.
I won't leave any of them.
I'll keep my cell with me, not get involved with anyone too much romantically, and remember the love I have waiting for me back home. Ted and I will have been together for three or four years at that point--and I know that we will be able to last a lot longer. Him and I have a good deal in common, and we balance each other out very well. When we fall silent, we don't need to speak--what needs to be said is said in the touch of hands, of sheltering arms, of puppy dog whimpers and begging looks (I have no pride....) and gentle kisses. We can curl up together with horror movies, Halo, assorted animes, and odd YouTube videos. We can laugh and dance and give each other eyes filled with hidden meanings--love and lust and lifetime promises. We are each other's biggest dreams and biggest desires.
And I won't let him go.
Not for anyone.
Not for anything.
I'm fifteen freaking years old, with a lifetime ahead of me and a lifetime behind me.
I have gone further in fifteen years than many ever will.
And I will keep right on going, and I choose to take him with me....
So to hell with distance--I'm his.
But I'm thinking too far ahead aren't I? I always do that....Worry over nothing. And it's not healthy for me to do.
I love you kiddies, for all eternity, I love you....
Now I shall get back to work on my stuff :3