I've bee thinking about who we are. What are the origins of our thoughts and our lives? Where do we come from? Do we come from bloodlines, ancestry, parents, culture? What made us....Us?
I wish I could write down the answer and hand it to you, but I do not believe I can. If our thoughts arise from the blood within our veins, from past lives and past moments, then where did THEIR lives and thoughts come from? And the people before that?
Where is the point of origin?
Where and what is the origin of human nature?
What comes before us?
What comes before us but darkness?
We awaken in the warm darkness of our mother's wombs, and we slumber in the warm embrace of the earth.
We arise from darkness, from nothing at all, only to fall into it again.
What is the origin of us?
WHY
ARE
THINGS
THIS
WAY?
Who caused this? Who began this? Some dark-eyed, all knowing God? Or something we do not have the chance nor the intelligence to become even close to comprehending?
What made the darkness into light?
How did we find our way from the womb of Creation to here, spiralling towards the warm earthly embrace of annihilation?
And what were we meant to accomplish?
In the greater scheme of things, is there any real purpose? Any real reason?
We fight to find answers. We look within ourselves, within poetry and literature, within works of art, and within the eyes and hearts and arms of others. We fight and we search, and every time we think we've found The Reason, humanity and the universe throws us a curve ball to send us scrambling right back to Square One.
We look everywhere we can, but...To find the meanings of today, one must remember the meanings of yesterday.
And what came before us is incomprehensible.
Each of us holds the ANSWER, the reason to it all, within us but we can't understand it. It's like we're holding the Key to Everything in our hands, and the keyhole is right there in front of us, and we can't figure out how to put it in. It's like a big game of put-the-cube-in-the-hole, and we're toddlers without the brains needed to put it in the right hole.
And in this day and age of instant communication, of connection with people across the globe, we should be finding the answer to it all faster than ever before, but instead the opposite is happening. The poor are getting poorer, while the rich only get richer. And all the information everywhere is weighing us down--everyone has an answer, and everyone expresses it. In a world of truth and lies, and contradictions everywhere, who is to decide what is right and what isn't?
I myself am looking for an answer. I always have been--a lot of the times, I'm looking for reasons as to why I personally exist, but at times like this I enjoy attempting to realize why everything exists. Were we just an accident, a piece of the universe's incomprehensible desire for chaos? Or did someone decide that we would be here, be now, and be doing this?
I want answers.
But I know I'm not going to get them, because, like all others, all I am doing is clinging to a single slowly shattering rock in the rambling stream of consciousness, of reason, of insanity, of madness, and of love. And unless I am able to free myself from this river I will never comprehend what comes before.
And that will never happen for as long as I shall live.
I will find an answer that will suffice, one that might just stop me looking.
But that answer will not come for a good long while yet.
So farewell lovers mine.
Be well and safe, and good luck in your travels and searches. May we all one day rest.
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