~~An Ode to Lost Love: Life Post~~

I'm over it.

I'm over being a cam whore.

I'm over Alexander.

I'm over Dylan.

Over Emily.

Over Adam.

Over Master.

Over everyone else.

Right now, this is where I am and who I am, and there can never be anyone else for me. I know who I am, and who I am is someone amazing. Someone perfect. Someone worth loving. And someone who is loved and who will always be loved.

I've come far, come fast. Ran a thousand miles, only to realize I was going the wrong way. I've screamed and wept, placed judgements upon myself and others, but now I am winning the fight. Now I am on the way to healing.

I was broken for so long that I would often wonder if I would ever love again, but now I know I will. I have a massive heart, and even though it has been stolen from me again and again, and broken and betrayed so many times, I know I will always love again. I can't not love. I can't not care. I can't not let myself fall hard, fall fast, fall hard and strong.

I was always meant to love.

I was always meant to care.

It took me a long time but now I have figured out why I've been suffering for so long--it's because its only making me stronger.

I'm getting stronger and stronger and stronger.

In all my years, I have never hit a challenge I could not master, could not beat. But all too many times I would run from the fight, back down instead of fight back, and now I know I was wrong. I do not deserve to be hurt any more. I do not deserve to be controlled.

So now I will fight and be whoever in hell I want to be.

Because I'm over being an Angel.

I'm me, and that's all I ever will be.

And right now, as I listen to my former loves' songs, all I can think about is Ted. All I know is my love for him. All I feel is how much I need him.

And right now I know I'll get better. I know I'm getting better.

I shouldn't have been hurt for so long, I never deserved to.

But I had to be hurt, so I could realize how strong I am.

How perfect I am.

Thank you Ian.

Thank you Ted.

Thank you Mckie, Amber, Fatum, Sun-Jung, Saira, Amanda...Thank you.

You've saved me.

But only because, this time around, I realized I could save myself.

I just needed the extra push to realize it.