~~This is the End.~~

So much that needs to be said

When all that this can do is be read

I wish you could hear my voice

As I tell you my final choice

This blog is going to end

And a new site shall take its place

Whether I give you the link or not, my friend

Will determine whether or not I save face

I'm sick of the world knowing my agony

And knowing the disease that beats inside

I want somewhere new, without memory

Somewhere it's safe to hide

Maybe you'll stumble upon it?

Or maybe I'll just fade away?

Either way, this blog will likely not stay

For very long, past the creation of the next

This new one will be recovery

Of the broken angel

The lovely little girl seeking sympathy

That you all give so well

Actually, I think I will give you the link

I'll put the link after this poem

After all the pain, the recovery will now be written in black ink

Upon white--why not show them?

Why not show the world

The secret side of me?

As my wings are unfurled

And I am blown out to sea?

~~When the Skies Bleed White~~

When the screams fade

And the storms break

When the sun shines

And the world begins

 

Don't forget there's someone there

Someone who can always care

I'm the girl who can love you

And I'm the one who will matter

 

Marry me, if you think you must

Hold me tight if you think you can

Keep me close and love me

Unless you think you can't

 

Marry me would you?

Because I need someone too

Someone to keep me close

When the entire world ends.....

 

When the sky bleeds white

And the winds start to blow

I will be alone

But I will be okay.

~~I Don't Understand~~

You said you knew what was best for me

Was it really making me love you?

Was making me hurt, even if I never admitted the pain

What was best for me in your eyes?

You know the life I've led

And you know how far I've been thrown

And how far back up I've had to fly

Did you really think that this

That making me love someone I can't touch

I can't hold, and listen to, and kiss

Was best for me?

Please, don't forget the kind of man

I know you to be

You're so much better than you'll ever let yourself see

Just like I am

You're my shadowed light--and I'm yours

Can we remain that way, somehow?

Even if we're only friends, can we still say I love you?

Even if we never kiss again, can I hold you?

You know....

I don't understand

How strongly I feel for you

And how strongly I'm hurt

By being made to go make myself a cheater again

After I finally believed myself to be honest....

Oh, hun.....

I still love you

And you know I won't ever stop loving you

Please, please don't let me be

Don't let me ever be alone

For when I'm alone

I can no longer fly

And I can no longer shine

Be the one I hurt the most

If you think you can take it

Be the one watching on the sidelines

If you think you have to

Be the one I long to have

But can never touch

If we both think you're able to

As long as you be mine

I think it's all okay....

I love you.

Forever and a day.

~~You May Need to Hold Me Tight~~

So many years pass

Since the last time I stood

Upon the shores

Of a different continent

A land so far and fine

Egypt, I miss thee

With every beat of this sand-cleansed heart

I miss thee

And one day I'll return

And travel your sands again

But I won't be alone I promise

I'll be with my friends

And family~~

~~Reality of the Beloved~~

I'm not going to bother this time

With making life make sense

Nor do I have the time to spare

To let me say goodbye

I'm not going to let you go

Because you always knew I couldn't

At least, I hope you know

I really hope you know

You're the only one I missed

When I ran so far away

I'm broken inside, but that's just fine

I thought I'd be okay if I had you

But I guess I was wrong

And I had to go away

In defence of the heart you all swear is gold

When I can only see the tarnish

This is my reality

This is my life

This is the girl I am

And I think I'm doing fine

I'm removing the walls

A little piece at a time

And while I wish I could go back

And make this thing rhyme

I think it came out alright

For my first poem in a while

So I think I'll leave you be

And write another one....

~~I Exist I SWEAR! : Life Post~~

YO!

PEOPLESES OF THIS WONDERFUL WORLD!

HI!

Yes.

I do exist.

And yes.

I do plan on posting on this lovely site again.

A ton of memories it may have, but hey, they're good memories too.

I don't regret much about where I've gone with my life.

I just..regret leaving you guys alone so much. My god I gotta catch up on here, don't I? It's been over a year....

How long has it been since I last posted? Nevermind, I don't think I want to know.

It's been way too long.

And....Well, I don't know how much I will be able to post honestly.

I keep getting sucked into time wasting things--like Minecraft.

And West of Bathurst.

I just passed comic number 400....

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Meh, being awesome I guess.

Oh, last night was...pretty good.

We had a massive gigantic family dinner at this place called Wellington's.

I like it x3

I saw my cousins, my aunt, and my uncle again. I don't see em much, so it's kinda nice to catch up--much as it annoys me. Hey, you guys know me pretty well--forced socialization with people I don't have anything much in common with is not my strong suit. Especially family. I'm fine with other families, just not mine for some reason I will never truly comprehend...

Ah, feels good to be blogging again!

Even if I'm doing it by email.

Which does suck.

Dear god, why didn't I go for Wordpress instead of blogger? It's not blocked at school...

Unfortunately, Reddit IS blocked.

So I can't go and read NoSleep stories like I've been doing semi constantly for the past...however long it's been.

I seem to be getting paranoid, loves.

Granted, I think I've got a little reason for paranoia.

I'm sensing something you guys.

And....So are all of my Figments.

There is something coming.

Invest in salt and sage would you? And holy water.

It wouldn't be a bad idea.

Okay, ignore the crazy person who's been dealing way too much with the darker side of life.

Oh hey, I can type really quickly without even looking at the keys. Granted, it's usually just my forefingers and middle fingers--very rarely do my other fingers come into play. Occasionally my thumb does to press keys like shift and the space bar, if my right forefinger isn't already doing it.

Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, because I felt like it and so now you know how I type.

Do you also know I hold a pencil differently than everyone else?

And a fork?

And a knife?

And a spoon?

And a--GET ON WITH IT!

Okay I'm rambling.

Have I mentioned I'm bored?

Like really bored?

I'm sitting in the hallway with my group.

They aren't really bad....

I kinda like them, but really we aren't doing anything right now.

Hence why I'm blogging for the first time in whatever.

Ahem....

Imma just write chu people some poems now.

~~A Fragment of Time: Introduction Post~~

My name is Michael.

I entered the Mansion the night before last.

I was stillborn, a child of the union between the two mighty angels Alakina and Raphael. Poor mum was almost killed delivering me--not surprising, considering the odd facts of my existence.

You see, her belly wasn't pregnant in the least until suddenly it began to grow and kick, baby me appearing in there all random-like.

That's not common even for Figments.

You see the all and mighty council that governs the Figments in the Faded Night decided Alex's lovely Mansion needed to be balanced more. There was too much goodness and too much softness in the Mansion--and so I was sent. I am the epitome of hatred and coldness.

I shall serve to balance out the kindness of this place.

In case you are wondering, I speak to you now because I was brought back to life by Ted's magic. He is quite the useful man, that boy. Much as I hate to admit it, I owe him my life.

I will make him pay for existing though.

I do not like him.

Why? It does not matter.

All that matters is that I am here.

I am a Fragment, by the by.

A Fragment is NOT a Figment. Figments are meant to be good and wise and--above all--loving. Fragments are meant solely for hate.

I hope you enjoy my company.

~~The Symbol of the Mansion and Meaning: Description Post~~

That, dear hearts, is the symbol of the Mansion.

I have been sketching this since I was very, very young. I did not know where it came from until not very long ago, when my Figments explained it to me. I always draw the simplified version--eight pointed star beneath a single black line of sky. I do not bother with the colored curving lines. But they do add to the image, do they not?

Every line you see there is a pair of Figments, one at each end. The vertical middle line with the purple curving addition is Stepha (top) and Raven (bottom). As they are very good at keeping each other balanced, but not suited in the least for supporting others, they are placed where they are. And the color purple signifies them and their tendency to...be a D/s pair.

Going clockwise is Dana (top) and Kakana (bottom). They are a bit less balanced, but more able to deal with others and they also tend to be prominent, so they come up next. The light grey signifies that they are half human and half angel, and do not exist without darkness in their light.

The middle line with the pure white decoration is Raphael (right) and Alakina (left). They are my supporters and my strength--the ones who hold me tight. If need be, they can and will save everyone here--including me.

The remaining line with the dark grey curls is Jace and Nikita. They are neither good nor bad--and they protect us. They are extremely good fighters, but they are useless with social issues. The grey signifies their personalities more than anything--Nikita so cheerful, and Jace so...negative. Add them together and you get grey.

The line separate from the star belongs to Michael and I. His intro post will follow this one. He is my opposite--the night to my day. My hate. My coldness. The opposite of everyone else. And yes he is new here.....

The gold curving line signifies glory. The blue is sorrow. And the black....Honesty and truth.

I apologize for disappearing for so many days....

See you later loves.

~~A Song for the End: Life and Thoughts Post~~

I'm trying to find a song that would be my legacy....

My goodbye to this world, played at my funeral.

My requiem.

What song would fit this young yet so very hurt blogger, as she goes to die?

As she fades away?

I have a few ideas for you....

What Will I Remember by Emilie Autumn

Goodnight Sweet Ladies by Emilie Autumn

Goodnight Demon Slayer by Voltaire

Story of a Girl by Nine Days

Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue

Beautiful Girl by Broken Iris

Best I Can by Art of Dying

So far, these are the only ones that have come to mind....Don't know why I'm really thinking about this so much, but I'm oddly very morose tonight.

I love you all, though.

~~Angel

~~Damaged People: Life Post~~

Who among us is not damaged?

Go on, stand up, if you have not wept.

Raise your hand if you haven't died inside.

Step up to bat and take a swing for the truth if you have never felt alone or abandoned.

No one?

Just as expected.

You see, loves, all of us are damaged in some way. Some are better at hiding it, or "get over it." Basically, they learn to live with it like you get used to a scar or a limp. It never goes away, the numbness never fades, but one day you deal with it. You can deal. It gets better.

I promise you that.

You see, I've been there....All of it. All the pain, all the shame, all the moments we suffer. All the hell and all the hurt.

We are all damaged.

I can say with certainty that all of us have been hurt in some way.....

You know, it's so strange that now that Adam is gone from my life for good, I no longer have a site to run to....Someone who tackles me whenever I'm online, who listens and opens up his entire world to me.....I no longer have Adam.....

Do I miss him?

Do I truly miss him, I wonder?

Do I miss all the loneliness when he wasn't there?

All the wishing he was here, and all the hidden guilt?

All the running away?

Do I miss him?

I do....

I miss him so very much.

I think about him every day, more than once some days....I never blocked him on Chatango, you know.....And he hasn't been online in two days....

I'm worried......

I'm worried he hurt himself....

God, I hate this.

I would kill to know if he's okay...

Make a fake profile, talk to him, be his friend....

I don't know!

I am just worried......

Sometimes I wish I never met Ted.

And sometimes I wish I never met Adam.

He did inadvertently cause me to be a cam whore.....No, he really didn't. My ex Trevor did that. Adam just pushed it further.

Sometimes, I don't regret my past. I know it made me who I am today, so I shouldn't regret it. But most of the time, I regret it. I hate what it did to me. I hate the numbness and all the agony it caused. All the self esteem and loyalty issues. Every damned thing it led to.

I hate it I hate it I hate it.

But I WILL NEVER hate what Adam and I were.....

I don't know why I'm talking about him tonight my loves.....Doesn't make much sense why I'm bringing up old wounds right now.

I guess it's because of this song, though.

I stumbled on it randomly, but....It's exactly what I wish I had shown him when we met.

When I told him not to love me, the very first time we cybered, the first night we met.

One freezing night in January, five am.

I won't forget him....

I won't forget who he was to me and who I wish I could be to him.....

Adam, if you ever read this, you are the one damaged person I wish I could be truly drawn to and able to save.

I love you, Master.

I always will.

Damaged people are everywhere, my loves. I'm definitely one of them, and I also suck at hiding it.

But....

I can tell you honestly I am doing better now.

I am loved because I deserve to be loved. Everything I did was the past, and I should move on. I should let it go.

I always think of the end, though. Of the eventual future.....

How many lives would be different if I never existed?

Would your lives change at all, if you never read this?

I wonder if Fatum's life would change, if she never told me her story that day before March Break last year, beneath the stairs.

I wonder if Sun-Jung's life would change, if we never went to that dance together in the rain.

I wonder if anyone's life would change, if I never was born, and never died.....

What would matter about my absence?

I don't think I would need to ask...

I know Ted wouldn't be..as happy. He wouldn't be so confident. He wouldn't have ever gone to college.

Ian? I don't....Know if he'd be alive right now.....If his precious Angel never existed.

Would my family miss me? I'd like to think they would....

I'd like to think they would....

I'd like to think I was loved and needed, even if I never existed.

I know it's egotistical, but I like knowing I'd be missed.....

I also am thinking about something else....

What will I remember if tomorrow I don't wake up?

What will I forget?

Will anyone care?

Will my life come flashing before my eyes, or will it just be a blessed darkness and an absence of everything, final rest?

I wonder.....What will I see, at the end of the tunnel?

Here's to you readers, for listening to me ramble and weep and worry for so long....

Here's to you.

~~I Don't Need You~~

I don't need you

To bring me down

I don't want you

To stick around

The further we go

Is the less you seem to know

Get the hell away from me

You don't cause anything but agony

I never needed you

Why do you think I do?

I tell you to go away

You come back the next day

Just go before I make you pay!

Go before I make you pay....

~~NaNoToons and Debs & Errol Love: HI YOU PEOPLE Post~~

Hello, you guys! Alexandra here, wondering if you guys ever have clicked over here.
 
Errol, Debs, EVERYONE: You guys rule. How the heck do you guys make a comic every day? And a musical? And STILL WRITE? It's....Impossible. I can't even post every day, even with the magical ability to email posts to my blog.
 
I think the NaNoMusical should be put on DVD. I would buy it! I'd sponsor it if I wasn't, well, broke. I can't get over how good these comics are. They make my science, careers, and history classes a lot less boring. Imma keep working on reading the West of Bathurst comics.
 
How do you guys make these comics, anyways? Can they be done on laptop or do I need to not be on my itty bitty netbook computer?
 
I'd really love to know.
 
Well, this seems to be all I have time for now, so I'll just link you guys so my own blog readers can now go and read about you all xD Hope none of you mind!
 
http://www.masseycollege.ca/alumni/westofbathurst/westofbathurst060724.html First West of Bathurst Comic
 
http://nanotoons.net/ NaNoToons!
 
http://debsanderrol.com/ Debs & Errol official website and daily comic.
 
Have fun reading, kiddies!
 
Oh, this blog is filled with poetry and stories and the musings of a psychotic fifteen year old girl. If you wanna read about me, then my entire life is only a few clicks away. x3

~~Listen to Me~~

Let go of the part of you

That screams out to die

Let go of the darkness in you

That never stops its cry

Let go of the part inside

That you keep shut up tight

Let go of what you hide

And only let out at night

Let go of the tears

All the ones that aren't real

Let go of your irrational fears

And let yourself truly feel

Love is worth believing in

Let go of the thought that it's not

Let it in, let it in

Your chances for life aren't shot

Let go of the broken feeling

The thought that you don't matter

Let go of it, and start your healing

The world won't always shatter

Let go of it all, and live once more

I know it's hard, but it's worth it I swear

Shove away all your doubts and lock the door

Someone will one day be there

You won't always be alone

Let go of that loneliness too

This dark life isn't the only one, you know

Someone is there, waiting in the light, for you

Trust someone who's been there

Who broke and cried every night

Believe someone who thought no one could care

Until she saw that she was their light

Listen to the words of an angel

Who's flown so much

And spent so long in hell

Savouring the fire's touch

Believe the broken girl who was fine all along

The one who hid her real strength because she never knew it

Believe someone who is really, truly strong

And made it through all of it

All the heartbreaks and the pain

The ending of the world, again and again

Believe you me, the day will come when

You can truly feel again

The numbness will fade

And be replaced by hope

May you find your way out of the shade

And find a good way to cope

Believe me, my friends

Everyone I know, and everyone who reads this

This life will go on for a long time yet before it ends

Now quit reading, and feel the sunlight's touch

It's time for you to heal

And be happy and be brave

You'll get back life's zeal

And be rewarded for everything you gave.

I promise.

~~What Means Anything~~

The longer time I spend

Thinking about whether or not

I can feel

Is the longer I spend numb

I should just accept

I'm not as hurt

As I say I am

I'm not ever breaking

I'm just hitting a rough patch

I should have admitted this long before

My friends have pointed it out

And said to me

How I am better off than them

I seem to have it all

Amazing friends and people

Who care so much about me

A writing skill

That's admirable

And I'm also gifted

With beauty

I never see

I'm not the one they think I am

I'm not the amazing

Beautiful angel

Who never fails

To make them smile

Even in her worst days

But am I the horrific person

I believe myself to be?

Am I really bad?

Am I really hurt?

Or am I just

Saying this

So I can get attention?

So I can be remembered….

But I won't be forgotten

My name and story

Are scattered everywhere

Across the interwebz

It's impossible for me to be ignored

I am living

In the midst of glory

Known and cared about

By so many

This is not the kind of life

I ever pictured myself leading

So I guess that's why

It's so hard for me

To accept the beauty

Inside of me

When I was raised

Bullied and hurt

And taught that I didn't matter

Now that I mean something….

How do I know what means

Anything…?

~~PIC HAVE A PIC!~~

 

 

 

 
 

 
 

 
 
 

~~A Blogger is Me: Life Post~~

everyone! I'm sitting quite calmly in careers class with absolutely nothing to do--very much done all of the projects for this class.
 
Therefore, you are forced to enter the insanely epic world of my blog once again!
 
How are my views doing, anyways? I didn't get a chance to check since I left for Ted's place Friday night, and as Blogger is currently iBossed (aka can't get on it because apparently it contains prohibited forums content) I can't check it at school. I wonder how many views my NaNoWriMo post got? I hope it got very popular....
 
Okay. My plan for next year?
 
MASSIVE HUGE EXTREMELY LONG WRITING SESSION IN TIM HORTONS!
 
It will be during November, crashed with coffee and food in Timmies for several hours writing like mad on my laptop. To further drive the point that I am doing NaNoWriMo, I'll put a nice big sticker on my laptop. Or tape. Whatever works. It will say: CAUTION, NaNoWriMo Novelist at Work. Bystanders May Be Written Into the Story.
 
I wonder if I'll meet up with people? Hopefully I'll get at least one writing buddy! It would be amazing to have someone to write with me.
 
Hopefully, the Tim Hortons where I'm close to will have an outlet....I know it has WiFi, but an outlet to charge my laptop is just as--if not more--important.
 
Okay yeah. That is a bit of a depressing saying. But it still looks cool!
 
Imma try and get that picture downloaded and posted here soon--the one I mentioned earlier, the one I want on my laptop.
 
 
Okay. I am not on my laptop--on a school comp so I cannot type.
 
I quit!
 
I love ya all.

~~NaNoWriMo Tips and Tricks--Advice Post~~

In celebration of THE FINAL DAY OF NANOWRIMO, I would like to post something that might help you guys for next year--and, if you are like me and feel like doing a Writing Extravaganza during XMAS Break, over the next few months.

What is my Writing Extravaganza, you ask?

Why, a full 24-hour writing session with an end goal of 50,000 words. Just to prove I can. It will probably be horrific, and it won't be very well thought out, but it will probably just be a novel about vampires and emo stuff. Or crazy sadistic Christmas elves. Whichever strikes my fancy.

This will be long my loves.

I will cover: The Best Things to Nom, Caffeine Benefits and Detriments, How to Slaughter your Inner Editor, When You're On a Roll, Don't Jinx Yourself, Writer's Block, Texting and Distractions, Don't Let It Run Your Life, Hand Care, When and Where, and Determination.

1. THE BEST THINGS TO NOM

Okay guys, if you're like me, you like having something to nibble on when you're writing. Lots of chewing and low in calories sounds good, especially if you like having a lot to eat. I find my mind relaxes a lot more with the regular movements of chewing, and it also keeps you from forgetting to eat. And forgetting to eat can, and does, happen a lot.

So, what should you be eating?

-Vegetables, Fruits and Nuts: They're good for you, and require a lot of chewing and are pretty low in calories. Also, celery is extremely good--it is actually negative calories. I love celery, and if you find it boring, spice it up with a bowl of salad dressing or any of your favorite dips.

-Chocolate-Covered Coffee Beans: Okay, this really isn't that healthy. However, it is delicious and filled with caffeine and sugar. Basically all of the needed substances in one small bit. Basically, this will be my mainstay food and writing companion for every major writing session I do. EMERGENCY CAFFEINE!

-Popcorn: POPCORN! Popcorn is amazing, popcorn is heaven, popcorn is food! Easy to make and nomming heaven. Flavour it any way you like, make it all tasty, make it all good! And you are ready to write!

-Trail Mix: Don't knock it til you try it! It is very healthy and it takes a lot of chewing. Therefore, it is good to keep at your side when you're writing. Just be careful not to spill any, as that stuff can get EVERYWHERE! Trust me you guys. I know. I've done it before, and it was not that fun sleeping when you're lying on a large amount of bits of trail mix....

-Gum: Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew! Endless chewing with not many bad sides and a variety of flavours. Gum is great, but I still will always stick to my incredibly good chocolate-covered coffee beans.

 

2. CAFFEINE BENEFITS AND DETRIMENTS

 

Caffeine is incredible. It keeps you awake, gives massive rushes of speedy energy, and if you're like me it wakes you up oh so perfectly in the morning. I love caffeine, in all its forms: Tea, coffee, energy drinks, and dozens of other forms. I can't get enough of coffee.

 

However, coffee really does stain your teeth a lot and it's so easy to get addicted. When you get addicted, and don't get it, be ready for headaches and bad moods. I hate it when that happens. Once, my dad god HALF-CAFF coffee, so it was a straight two weeks of me in a bad mood and angry. And then, when I noticed he had bought me half-caff, I almost killed him. He was the reason I was being forced to drink several cups of coffee JUST to make the headache go away!

 

And....There's also other bad sides to caffeine. You crash. You crash and you get tired and exhausted and you just get crazy. It's not fun, but one quick cup of coffee--or even Emergency Dark Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans--and you are set. The coffee beans have plenty of caffeine themselves, so they do cause you to crash later.

 

3. HOW TO SLAUGHTER YOUR INNER EDITOR

 

Okay people. this section is probably the most important one there is. You know that little voice in your brain that worries and freaks out and tends to say you're doing badly? Well, writers have them. And writers have the very worst kind possible: The inner editor. Now, this little fella lives upstairs from your Muse, who is that crazy person with multi-colored eyes who always seems to be dancing. The inner editor is boring and might just resemble your high school math teacher, for reasons no one really understands. Mine makes a bit more sense--I have always pictured George (yes, I named him last year) as skinny and dressed in military clothes. He has a three-cornered hat.

 

What I need all of you to do is follow my instructions.

 

1. Close your eyes

2. Picture your inner editor. What does he/she look like? Is it human? What does their voice sound like?

3. Picture a cage. Imagine it. Look at the cage.

4. Put the inner editor in the cage

5. Close the door on the cage

6. Put the cage in a large wooden box

7. Put a padlock on the box

8. Set fire to the box

9. Smile

10. GO AND WRITE!

 

You may need to repeat this process--or variants of it--a lot. I myself need to repeat it every year, and sometimes multiple times before and even during writing sessions.

 

4. WHEN YOU'RE ON A ROLL

 

All of us should know this feeling of high. Your fingers are flowing across the keys, you're writing like mad, and every minute you write more words than you ever deemed possible. Your words are leaping onto the page, flowing from your fingertips and across the screen like black blood on white, and everything you write is perfect.

 

And.....Your dad calls you for dinner. Your mom says you forgot to do your chores. Your brother needs to know if you'd care to get your butt off of the computer so he could work on the homework he's been putting off when you're writing. Your boss calls and asks if you would like to come in to work--ever.

 

Here's my advice.

 

If it is not life threatening, ignore it! Tell them you're sorry, or copy down some of your novel into a notepad and go someplace else, and just keep writing. KEEP WRITING! When you're on a role, stop for absolutely nothing.

 

And, when you have done what you feel is enough, save save save save save, and go and apologize. If they know you, they'll forgive you for it. Most of my family is used to just putting my food in the fridge, and let me get it after I'm done working.

5. DON'T JINX YOURSELF

Okay, this is pretty important. Don't talk about it too much, okay? Really don't. It is a really easy way to jinx yourself. Unless you need advice, talking about it too much will just jinx you. And people just will tend to put a lot of pressure on you. Be safe you guys, and be careful. Once you get jinxed, it is really hard for you to get un-jinxed.

6. WRITER'S BLOCK

You're writing a lot. Everything is going so well. You have ideas going through your head like they're on speed, and everything is PERFECT! But....Then you get a blank spot in your head. Yeah. I absolutely hate that moment, and all of us know it.

There is no real automatic cure for writer's block.

But...Here's a few tips.

-Take a long, hot shower

-Eat something

-Get a drink of water

-Take a walk

-Write a letter to yourself

-Try thinking of things in a new light

7. TEXTING AND DISTRACTIONS

Okay, so what is worth leaving your story for? Nothing, except eating, sleeping, school, and family emergencies. I know all of us have cell phones and forums and things to check and do--but do they matter? Not at all. And that doesn't mean you can't reward yourself with a text every now and then--just make sure it's only one text for a reward, and keep the rewards to only once every few pages. And, if your friends or any other people who are distracting you know what you're up to, they won't mind. In fact, maybe schedule some time to write, and let people know not to bug you then. It'll help a lot, trust me.

8. DON'T LET IT RUN YOUR LIFE

Okay guys, seeing as I said in number seven that you shouldn't let NaNoWriMo be interrupted by anything, I just want to make sure you guys don't go too overboard with this. NaNoWriMo is important, but so is your family. And so is sleep. SLEEP YOU IDIOTS SLEEP!

And do homework, too. It is so easy to just get lost in writing and not notice time passing until it's midnight....four am....noon....

And you realize you haven't eaten, you haven't slept, and you have missed work/school/doctor's appointments or never heard the fire alarm go off....

Yeah....That happens a lot, people.

Or....

You get so obsessed that people actually avoid you and think you're crazy.

THAT happens even more often.

Don't do that, guys.....Don't be too obsessed. Obsession is healthy, but do not let it get to overly scary levels.....And don't let it interfere with things too much, alright?

9. HAND CARE

Okay kids. Look at your hands. They are amazing things, aren't they? Bones and skin and muscles, all wrapped up into nice and useful hand-shaped packages. What jobs do your hands do? They do a lot. High five, hand shake, open things, crack things....AND TYPE THINGS!

Your hands are amazing things and tools. During NaNoWriMo, they are doing a shit load of work. Be careful and take care of your hands. Make sure they aren't too stiff or sore in places, and maybe even get a wrist brace or do some exercises with your wrists to fend off carpal tunnel syndrome. It is really not good for your hands to be doing so much work without a break.

And, as it is cold, keep them moisturized. Just don't let the computer keys get all greasy....

10. WHEN AND WHERE

I like writing in bed, or on the couch. All nice and comfy. Curled up and warm, or sitting upright and just a bit bent over. Sometimes, I lie on my stomach and put the laptop in front of me, resting my chin on a pillow. Right now, I'm on my back with my knees up and my legs crossed at the knee, with the front of my laptop on my belly and the hinge on my right thigh. Comfyness.....

Of course, there's no real time or place people can or should write. You can go to coffee shops (yay for Tim Hortons!) or even write to and from work/school. Unless you drive. Then don't write. I usually would go for when you're high energy and there's no real distractions or immediate concerns--after school when I have a fresh cup of coffee to wake me up again sounds good for me, all ensconced in my well-lit room. The most important thing is to write, my loves, whenever you can.

And, if you say you don't have enough time, cut down on what doesn't matter. Like TV, social media....Math homework.....

11. DETERMINATION

You need to be determined to write. You need to have a drive and be willing to work, work hard, and work fast. Not everyone can, or is willing to do that. I am. And so I am a writer. My loves, writing for NaNoWriMo is a personal challenge. Do it so you can prove to others, but mainly to yourself, that you can and will write a novel. It might not be good and it will need to be edited, but it is a novel nonetheless.

I wish all of you luck in your search, my loves.

May your fingers always fly across the keys!

~~Ian~~

You say so many things

Tell me how good I am inside

Your voice, in the night, seems to sing

When I'm dreaming of the day I can be by your side

You hurt so much

And I know I could

Heal you with just one touch

Even though I believe I'm not good

Every time I swear I'm fine

You tell me the truth I need to hear

Now, as to recovery I start to climb

You're the one who washes away my fear

You make me brave, and love me so

I wish I could show you what you mean to me

I wish you could understand what I would give to know

What a life with you could really be

Every moment I break inside

But every moment you see the light

You make me smile, and show what I hide

Can I ever see what part of me shines so bright?

~~People On My Mind: Life Post~~

As days seem to fade away until they become years, several thoughts spring forth in this colorful mind of mine. About who I am, my past, and the strangely incredible life I seem to be leading. I dream of a future I will need to fight to attain--of a bookstore I will run with my husband Ted, and likely Ian as well.
 
Yes, I was...serious about wanting to erm.....Marry Ian. I....Lately I've been falling in love with him. He's on my mind as much as Ted is now and I have a lot better conversations with him than I do with Ted. However, it really is Ted that I can be with in any way physically, and it's Ted that also has a few less...issues.

Not that my lovely Glowstone is SANE, mind you. It's just that he isn't exactly...as bad off as Ian.

Okay, one of these days I need to find someone a little closer to sane. Someone who also has Figments as well (more fun that way) but someone who isn't manic depressive, or believing that everything good in his life is going to be taken away one day. And let's also go for someone who doesn't love bugging me so much.

Now readers, let's al take bets on which statement applies to which lovely man!

Does Number One apply to Ian, or to Ted? Why, Ian of course!

Which one does Number Two apply to? Both, actually, but more specifically Ted.

And Number Three! Who loves bugging me? EVERYONE! Yay!

Did you get all of them right?

If so....HAVE A COOKIE, my lovely readers!

If not.....Well, better luck next time loves!

Really, all of you.....

I do need to find some way to make my life simpler....

BUT, if that means losing Ian....

No. I'm not losing him. He is...an amazing guy. And....

And I can't let him go.

Okay....I officially need to stop thinking about this for a while--need to breathe and I need to write. Tonight I have a lot of work to do--a science project, as well as editing my novel, as well as needing to get ready for going over to Ted's house this weekend.

So yes.

I won't be available....

I love you guys, though!!!! Always!!!!!

I will post whenever I can.

~~I Can't Believe It: Life Post~~

Over six thousand views, my lovely readers!!!!

Amazing, ain't it?

So many days and so many weeks have gone by since the beginning.....

How long?

Really my loves, how long has it been?

According to an online date calculator, one year, one month, and twenty three days--not including today. Or around 420 days....

Wow.

It's getting old, ain't it? All these adventures and all this pain. Oh my lovely readers, how do you stand me?

I'm dramatic and sucidal and oh so delectably psycho....

But hey, perhaps that's why you come back so much....

Because I'm always honest.

Even if it's only for the sake of the show.

I think a lot these days, about how I wish I could change my life....

Do I really want to?

I wish I could make myself happier. I wish I could train myself to come out of my shell more and be less afraid. I wish I could see what everyone sees in me but I can't and I don't and I never will.

But it's all going to be okay.

Don't ask me how I know.....

Don't ask me how I have such faith in this world, after everything that's happened. After seeing friends break apart, being left by and loving still so very many, don't ask me how I know we can ALL get through this. Don't ask me how I know we're okay. Don't ask me how I know I'm going to be fine.

Because.....I wouldn't be able to answer.

I won't be able to say anything more than this: "Do you question my knowledge of this world?"

I may be only one and a half decades old, but I've lived a lot already. I'm also a special kid, always have been. And I always will be.....So very special.

Yes, I am special in the head.

One of my friends who is also Figmented apparently calls it Multiple Personality Disorder.....

Well.....Even if I DO have it it doesn't surprise me. Most of my family suffers from mental breakdowns.

So I don't think it surprises me......

Or any one else in my family for that matter.

Either way, I doubt it needs to be controlled. I love my Figments--they are...a lot of me.

I don't know where I'd be without them.

This post seems to be a lot of white space and very little text...SORRY!!!

I just...Am thinking.

About....

M-marrying Ian one day and yes he can see this so..so hi and erm I love you very much b-but ummm.......

Imma...stop talking now kiddies.....

~~I Find it Amusing.....: Life Post~~

I find it amusing to shatter the world, to see how different the world becomes. I find it amusing to take TNT, and just go and have fun. At the end of my Minecraft village, I think I'll nuke all of it. Save it first and nuke it, maybe videotape it. I do like my Minecraft village....

WOOZ, need to go!

~~WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: Chapter Eleven--The Final Stretch~~

So where are we to go now? We have two out of three Keys, we’re up in a forest currently inhabited by my former master and dozens of Lady White’s men, Anne is pretty much unconscious and I’m uncertain as to whether or not she will ever wake up, and I’m missing most of my left boot.
I sighed. This was going to be fun.
“What happens now? Where do we go?” Joey asks, eyeing me. “You do know where we’re going right…?”
I pause, think for a moment, and then whisper, “Home.”
You should have seen the looks on their faces…!
“Wh-wh-what do you mean ho-home?” Max asks, his eyes wide.
“Lady White has hopefully managed to locate a way for you people to return to your dimension. Not that we don’t we don’t enjoy having you hear, but I believe that you must desire quite greatly to go back home.”
They look at each other, and as one, they shake their heads. “I like it here,” Joey tells me, “And I’m pretty sure Max does, and I know Anne does.”
I just look at them for a while. This just wasn’t making sense to me—why didn’t they want to go home? How bad could their world possibly for them to not want to return to it from here, a place so strange to them?
But then I think….Why not continue this wild adventure? It was a long journey home, and I knew that Lady White wouldn’t be very pleased to see me. She would be quite angry, and I knew the kind of things she did and the orders she gave when she decided she was annoyed with someone.
Sighing, I bit and chewed on my lower lip, looking around me carefully. But I knew that they were right—there was no going home. Not yet at least, and not without the final Key.
Just as I was about to consult my map and begin to locate the next goal, I heard something. A young Magician wandered out of the forest—he was the brother of one of my classmates, so I took an automatic dislike to him. “Avery, Lady White wants you to know that she is sorry for her apparent lack of trust. She did trust you with this mission—she just knew who you would happen upon, and she wanted a few of us to keep our eyes on you in case you needed it. She still wants you to complete the mission, Avery.”
I just start to glare at him, before I sigh and realize that he is right. “I might as well complete the mission. Not like she’d let me come back home.”
He nods at me and smiles grimly. “If you were to turn back now, I would have had to make good on my promise to kill you. Your old friends wanted me to keep them from being forced to torture you to death.”
I just gave him a look, sighed once more, turned my back on him, and led my motley group off on our next adventure.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“We’re going to visit the chocolate factory?!?!” Anne yells, starting to dance around. “Will we see Willy Wonka? Grow huge from eating blueberries?”
I just stared blankly at her. What kind of drivel was this girl spouting? What kind of strange things happened in her weird wild world?
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one to think she might have lost her mind. Joey smacked her on the back of the head, glaring at her. “Quit. Anne, just because this place is beyond crazy doesn’t mean the chocolate factory will be inhabited by your favorite pedophile. Anyways….It’s going to be filled with fairies, most likely.”
I slapped my hand to my face and groaned in exhausted exasperation. Why must humans be so terribly infuriating? Was their stupidity intentional, or a trade shared by ALL of the humans of their world?
I eyed them carefully, and decided that yes….Yes stupidity WAS one of the basic human traits.
Now that I had that cleared up, I figured that it was the perfect time to explain to the humans about our next destination.
“Our first job is to get out of this dreamland,” I said, looking around at them, “I believe we may have found ourselves in a different realm. It’s the only reason that Anne could have woken back up so suddenly and that bright yellow dinosaur is over there by the willow tree.”
Of course they all looked over at the yellow dinosaur….
I sighed, pulled out my sword, and wondered when and if the attack would come.
Strangely, the attack never came…….
I watched the rain come. I stood there with the humans by my side, and the rain fell around us, splattering on the ground like soft bells. How could rain sound so musical? I wondered briefly, before looking up at the cloudless sky. How is rain falling without clouds?
“Why do things have to make sense, young Avery? Don’t you recognize this place at all?” a voice whispered in the depths of my mind. I didn’t recognize the voice, and it certainly wasn’t mine….who’s was it then?
None of this was making sense anymore….now my mad adventure seems to have just deteriorated into an odd rambling. But granted maybe that was all they had ever been?
I snapped out of my reveries when the lightning hit the earth a few feet away from me and the others, and we all jumped back, our noses attacked by the scent of burnt earth and grass. What had just happened? There still was not a single cloud in the sky…..
“And, again, Avery, do things need to make sense?” there was the voice again! The accursed voice…..Swearing softly to myself, I rubbed my ears hard and then my eyes, as if that would help me free my mind of the horrific voice. But I knew it would do no good.
Realizing I was being closely watched by the others, I turned to them, and gave them a quick smile, as if assuring them that no I was not losing my mind, and that, yes, we were going to make it out of here okay.
It didn’t seem to do any good, but at least they didn’t bother to complain. I looked around us, and opted to not go in the general direction of the big yellow dinosaur, so I started leading them in the direction of a large rocky hill, where we might be able to find some shelter from the rain. As we walked, I took special care to remain close by Anne’s side, watching her every move. She seemed to be perfectly normal, perfectly fine, but I didn’t entirely trust it….Wherever we were, things happened without any real explanation given, and I had the feeling that, whatever the explanation was for Anne being awake, it wasn’t going to be one I would end up liking.
We reached the rocks, and settled together under a small outcropping, curling close to each other to try and share our body heat. It was then that poor Max, seeming very dazed and unhappy, spoke his first words in a while, “I-I’m c-c-cold…..”
I couldn’t help grinning when Joey replied with, “I-I’m c-c-c-c-c-cold too….” The poor kid’s teeth were chattering so bad that he sounded like he had an even worse stammer than Max!
Anne seemed to agree with me when she rolled her eyes, before she did something I can never forgive her for: She proceeded to toss her head around, shaking the rain from her hair, soaking all of us even more, the chain holding her hair whipping around like a metal snake, leaving a small bruise on my chin in the shape of a metal skull. She shot me an apologetic look, but I simply sighed, and hugged my knees tighter.
A few minutes later, Anne broke the silence by asking in a soft voice, “Where the hell are we?”
I just looked at her, shrugged, and looked away again. I had not the faintest idea, even though the voice within my mind that I refused to admit was there seemed to know. “Don’t you remember, Avery?” it whispered in the depths of my mind, refusing to be ignored. “I know you have had your memory wiped clean, but now that you’re here….It’s coming back, isn’t it? It’s returning….All the things you’ve left behind.”
I refused to acknowledge that voice with a response, and tilted my head back, breathing in and out slowly. I didn’t know what to do, so I opted to just remain here for a while longer.
We ended up falling asleep, and on the next day, when we all awoke, we began to move out. The stone that had helped me earlier in finding the Key was useless, so we were going to just have to walk in a direction of our choice, and hope it was the right one.
We walked together into the future, hoping we’d find a reason to keep walking, but knowing we wouldn’t. I breathed slowly, but I couldn’t ignore the voice, even though I forced my eyes to continually look around me for hints as to where we should go.
Finally I gave up and followed the voice’s directions, breaking into a sprint as I heard the voice grow louder, louder, louder, louder…..
I stopped when I ran into nothing.
I staggered back, my nose bleeding, my head aching, my mind awhirl. What had just happened? I didn’t know and nothing was making sense.
The others didn’t take too long to catch up to me. “What the heck just happened?” Anne cried, carefully touching the blood coming from my nose, a worried look on her face. “Avery, what’s going on?”
I just shoved her away and leaned against the invisible barrier I had smashed into, listening to the voice, letting my mind drift further and further away….
Until I found myself…remembering. My eyes snapped tighter shut, and my breathing grew shallower, my every facet of heart and soul drew back into my mind. I wasn’t thinking anymore, I was only remembering….
I was remembering my training. I was remembering all the torments, all the pain, all the little agonies. I was remembering everything I had blocked from my mind.
I was also remembering this place….
“It’s a dreamscape, your mind come alive, where you can choose to either realize your dreams—at a price—or choose to learn the slow way.. It’s there that you realize who you truly are. If you can survive there, you can survive anywhere. You’ll encounter the true you, and it all comes down to what he tells you, as it will allow you to realize what you want most.”
That was what Master had told me.
What was it I wanted most? Was it the final Key, and the elves to be at last free of their torments? Or was it perhaps Anne, so beautiful but so unattainable? What was it I desired most?
I fell deeper into my thoughts, until suddenly my eyes snapped open and I found myself in a world of mist, all scenery lost to the soft whiteness. I blinked in surprise before smiling softly—I guess it was here that my choice would be made.
It was then that I heard the voice speak again, and this time it wasn’t from within my mind: It was from behind me. My back tensed, and I turned to confront the owner of the voice at long last, and who would I see there but me?
I was a lot younger—longer, more raggedly cut hair, smaller muscles and skinnier too, a few less scars and smoother skin. He grinned at me—or should I say I grinned at me? “I look good as an old guy,” he commented, and shrugged, “Or as good as an old guy can look.”
“What do you want, young’in?” I replied, giving my impertinent and annoying younger self a glare.
“I just want to tell you the choice you need to make, Avery. Anne’s dying, and the only thing that can save her is the Necklace of Infinity. Which needs to be taken back to Lady White and used in the ritual, which would likely render it useless. You have the choice of saving the girl you love’s life and making her immortal to boot, or saving pretty much everyone else. Which choice will you make?”
I sat down, put my head in my hands, and sighed, before looking up at myself and asking, “Where’s the final Key?”
He pulled something out of his pocket, and tossed it at me. It was a small gold ring, no inscriptions, just gold. I examined it, nodded, and muttered, “So that’s the Ring of Strength?”
He nodded, and shrugged a bit sarcastically, “What, you were expecting a circus ring?”
I glared at him, stood, brushed off my leggings, and stuck him with a cold look, “How do I get out of here?”
“Easy. You just say the magic word and you’re out of here.”
“What’s the magic word?”
Poof.
I was back in the real world again, and all the others were around me. Leslie, who I’ve been forgetting to mention for the last while, was the first and thankfully not the only one to greet my return by giving me a hard kick in the shin. I glared at her, and then looked over to where the others were, kneeling beside Anne.
She wasn’t moving.
She didn’t seem to be breathing….
I shut my eyes tightly, and pulled out the Necklace of Infinity, letting my hands trace its shape. It was made in the shape of an angel, wings spread wide, and a rapier held high. I cut my thumb on the blade, and tried to keep myself from bursting into tears.
Anne was dying and I doubt I could do anything to save her….
Heartbeat racing, I stood, walked over to her, and bent down to slip the Necklace around her neck.
She snapped awake and kissed me, grinning softly. “I guess I’m alive.”
I nodded gratefully, and hugged her tight. “I think I’m in love with you….” I whispered softly in her ear, and she tensed briefly in my arms, before relaxing again.
“I know I’m in love with you.”
I smiled, and sighed, just happy to be holding her again.
The moment was shattered by an all-too-familiar female voice calling imperiously, “Ah lover, have you done as I asked you to?”
It was Lady White. I turned and stared at her blankly, before my eyes flooded with anger. “What are you doing here, my Lady?” I asked sharply, “I thought you would be anticipating my return back at home, but apparently you opted to follow me every step of the way.”
She smiled widely: “Did you honestly expect me to entrust such a mission to a bumbling fool like yourself? You may be powerful, but not even as powerful as the helpers I sent along to assist you. You would have died a long time ago if it wasn’t for me.”
“So you’re expecting me to just thank you for lying to me about all of this? I even doubt that you love me—were you honestly just using me as a way to get rid of your prisoners and your rich brat daughter?”
“Aw, Avery, you only figured out now that you mean basically nothing to me or to anyone else? You always were just someone we used. You were too weak to be anywhere close to trainable, and you still are. I had just sent you on this mission so I could get rid of you for a while longer, and I must say I’m impressed. You’ve survived a lot more than I thought you could—and yes quite a few of the other quests I have sent you on were attempts to kill you. But now that this quest is done, Avery, why don’t I release you from my service after you, of course, give me the Keys?”
I couldn’t imagine a woman I hated more….
Lady White smiled wider. “It will free your kind forever, Avery. We’re dying, us elves. More of us are drained every second. After you hand over the Keys, you will be able to live out your life with Anne, who will get the Necklace of Infinity right after we use it for our purposes. Hand over the Key, and everything will be okay.”
Not even bothering to speak, I obediently handed her the Book of Journeys and the Ring of Strength, before pausing to gaze at Anne. Her eyes were wide and she looked afraid, holding tight to the necklace that was keeping her alive. I touched her shoulder and kissed her deeply, before taking the Necklace of Infinity from her slim neck and handing it to Lady White.
I caught Anne when she collapsed into my arms, almost dead, and I stared at Lady White while she whispered a few words in a language I did not know, a soft light starting to glow from the Keys that she held clutched in her hands. Suddenly, there was a click¸ and I suddenly felt…fully alive. I could sense the magic all around me, and I knew it was there.
Smiling softly, Lady White handed me the Necklace, and watched calmly as I restored it to Anne’s neck, my beautiful girl snapping to consciousness again the instant it touched her skin. I kissed her deeply, but it was what happens next that gave me the most satisfaction.
Reaching deep into my body, I slammed a single powerful burst of magic straight into Lady White’s heart, using every bit of magic I could draw from the area around me.
She died instantly.
I smiled to myself, kissed Anne again, and decided that maybe this could really be a happily ever after.