Intervention.....--Going On Final Post

I am......I am so scared.....I can barely speak, barely think. And the title...I mean it. I won't be here for much longer. But maybe...I'll keep the blog and ditch everything else. That way my friends can keep up to speed on my life, even if they can't contact me in any way. I wonder if any of them would bother to keep reading my blog, seeing how I've been doing? Or would they just let me go, none the worst for wear?

Oh wait...Who am I kidding.....You guys do care about me. Even some of you probably do, my wonderful blog readers. I don't want to leave you. I would miss you all so much. Saira, Amanda, Dylan, Elaine, Athena, Ara, Jack, Stephanie, Domenic, Mohammed....So many others...........And god Alexander....My Wolf! And god Simon too.....My Mad Hatter.........

I would miss you all so much....Beyond pain. Beyond heartbreak. Beyond loneliness. You own a piece of me. A part of my heart, a part of my soul. You own me.

If I was to go...I would leave pieces of me behind......I doubt I would ever get them back. I would live empty for so long.

I know you all are asking me why, why, why? Why am I doing this? Why don't I tell you what's wrong? Why don't I speak to you? Why don't I go online?

Why?

Why are you hurting, Alex? Why are you crying, Angel? Why aren't you answering me, Dumah? Why haven't you replied yet, Black Rabbit? Why didn't you stay mine, Princess?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?!?!?!?!

Let me tell you why.

My friend is staging an intervention. I've been acting stranger, getting more depressed, more wild. My moods ceased making sense. Welts I couldn't give an explanation for appeared on my left ankle. I stopped sleeping as much. I would cease to speak for hours at a time.

She got a guidance counselor involved and everything. There should be one tomorrow. I feel.....A bit betrayed. But mostly thankful. Thankful to have people--in the real world--looking after me And....Just before I got into my mom's car after spending a an hour or two with her......Do you know what she said to me? "You've always been my best friend."

I don't know.

I just don't know.

I've been working on this post for quite a while now. Trying to think. But I just can't.

I have to go.

Goodnight and goodbye.

But not forever......

The goodbye forever is a few posts away.