Loneliness

Perhaps in my loneliness, I have cut off part of myself. I am told I am naturally social, and yet I spend most of my time alone. In my lonely silence, I ponder the events of the day, work on stories and poetry, or puzzling over some issues I have come across with my friends. I am never alone, however. Why? I carry around the names of my friends, their memories, the feelings I get when I am with them. But yet, I still am alone.

I believe personally that mankind is, at its heart, good. I believe that there is something within all of us that is worth fighting for. Worth loving. A saving grace. A bit of right in a world of wrong.

Jeez, I'm a hypocrite. A part of me hates mankind for being uncaring and cold and empty and unfeeling, but a part of me loves it for everything it is. When man is together, we are capable of great and wondrous things. When we are together, however, we are ALSO capable of cruelty. Of avoidance. Of evilness. Of acts of random cruelty. Why? We are. We are good and bad, and all of us are wondrous. All of us in heart are great. But all of us in heart are also bad.

Crud, I went from loneliness to the nature of mankind.

I was planning on covering that LATER.

Do me a favor and forget I wrote that, thank ya kindly! I'll write more on it later.

But now on loneliness.....

Mankind wasn't meant to be alone. Not particularly. Safety in numbers, you know. And, if you follow that logic, the fewer the numbers the less safety there is. So one man or woman alone is not safe. Or perhaps they are safer than the ones with a lot of friends around them?

When you are with people, you feel accepted, happy. When you are alone, you feel bitter, tired, content perhaps. Perhaps you can be happy when you are alone, but the fact is that old saying that two heads work better than one (or however it goes, my memory is not a thing of wonders) is psychotically true. Sure, the ideas are doomed to derail later on, but when two minds are working together, the ideas get a better chance of going far. And truth be told it's not a guarantee that anything will come out of teamwork--it all depends on the people.

When you are alone, you feel less safe. Or it could be the other way around. I do not know you, and you do not know me. I am simply a random  girl who created a blog as a way to express her thoughts and feelings. You may forget me one day.

Yes, I know I already said that. I'm trying to organize these thoughts going through my head. I do not know what to say. I am merely writing, knowing no one is likely to ever read these.

So what to say on loneliness? Is it truly bad? Is it something to be avoided, to be escaped from? Do people die from loneliness?

Yes, world. I am sad to say that loneliness can kill. Loneliness can drive you crazy. One of my friends plans on becoming a hermit when he is older--entirely away from the world, somewhere in a forest in Eastern Russia. Will loneliness kill him, even though he has been alone for most of his life? Perhaps it will. Perhaps it won't, though. Loneliness will eat away at you bit by bit, slowly drive you mad. But there are some of us strong enough to withstand it.

I doubt I am one of them. I have my small group of friends scattered between groups--people I talk to, smile at. More on friendships later. So now what do I write about? I might as well try to answer some of the questions on loneliness I wrote above. Don't have anything else to do tonight.

Loneliness isn't truly bad. Sometimes we need to be alone. Sometimes we need to be with people. Loneliness and being alone aren't the same thing. It's possible to feel lonely and lost in a room full of people.

I think that there isn't much I can say to you tonight.

I will leave you with a few words of wisdom stolen from another, however.

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.  ~Colette